You know, I’ve defended Nintendo through a lot of bullshit.

As a child, I owned a Nintendo 64 and I played the shit out of it. I was never wanting for games, and I was too young to know anything about how Nintendo was only dropping like three first-party games a year for it.

After that, I had a GameCube and I CERTAINLY never had a dry spell with that thing. I really don’t understand why that box gets so much shit. I have like 25 great games for it! And a ton of franchise-best entries, too. Best Metroid, best Mario Kart (fuck you, I don’t care what you say), best Zelda (ditto), best Resident Evil, best Smash Bros., best F-Zero, best Paper Mario…best Rogue Squadron…best…Mario Tennis?

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned that was the 2nd golden age for Nintendo. And where are we now? Oh hey! Nintendo’s finally on top! It’ll be like the NES days all over again with great games all over the place and industry dominance paying off for the players! Oh wait. Nintendo is a bunch of greedy fucks.

I’m not going to go too far into this because, frankly, I’m not terribly qualified to talk about the politics of this thing. All I know is that WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO THE LAYPERSON is that Nintendo has handily won this console generation by selling out its fans. Period. They took over, sat back and let 3rd party shovelware define the system while their development teams…did what exactly?

Wii Vitality Sensor? Wii Party? Are you kidding? How about an F-Zero game, or, you know, that Pikmin sequel you’ve been talking about for four years now. Hell, I’d take a solid sequel to Luigi’s Mansion at this point.

And hey, how about the Virtual Console? Really a lot of support for that lately. And just so we’re all clear, the hardest part of putting a game on VC is writing the desription blurb for the Wii Shop, so there’s not much holding them back from just dumping a ton of games on there. They just really don’t give a shit.

Exactly how much of a shit they don't give.


Just make some fucking games, Nintendo. PLEASE. Failing that, put the glory days on Virtual Console so we can remember when you weren’t so lame.


About djsharpecheddar

Have you seen a little girl?
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5 Responses to Nintendon’t

  1. If it makes ya feel any better, I have a hunch we’ll be seeing some goodies at E3 this year. Of course, I say that every year, haha. This year is gonna be big for everyone at E3, has to be. We’re at the cusp of the next gen. Expect 3D Wii, finally, with the 3DS. 3D fuckin everything. About time.

    I got you a little gift that has both “Nintendo” and “3D” in it. I’ll bring it over this Fredag. You WILL be surprised. On that note, it’s really not a big deal. You’ll see.

  2. chargedblast says:

    Yeah, agreed. I will say though that the last like 5 games I’ve bought have been Virtual Console, all really cheap and easily the best value/quality available. It’s kind of telling of how sad the state of the industry is when I can spend 60$ on the virtual console and get 6-7 games that if I wanted to equal the value of JUST ONE of those games I would need to purchase 6-7 60$ Xbox 360 games. But Nintendo needs to get like every mario, zelda, mega man, pokemon, final fantasy on that VC like yesterday.

    • Every game that isn’t on virtual console isn’t on there because they’re thinking about remaking or re-releasing it elsewhere. AKA trying to figure out how they can get more than 8 dollars for it. Case in point: Chrono Trigger. Oh hey we could either put this out for VC or put it out for DS and charge $35 dollars…hmm…


  3. Anonymous says:

    >As a child, I owned a Nintendo 64 and I played the shit out of it.

    How old are you? 16? Would explain the bias for casual games.

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