BioWare…Just…STOP

Un-fucking-real

Mass Effect stalwarts, I’m sorry to just slap you across the face with that picture, there, but I really don’t know how to preface it effectively. The part on the right is courtesy of the official Mass Effect 3 art book, from which some wonderful tidbits have just started creeping out onto the web.

So, yeah. Even the SHIP’S COMPUTER is getting all sexed up in this stupid game. I always thought her ‘mouth’ was a tad suggestive in ME2 but I guess I should have been commending them for their subtlety and restraint. How in the HELL are they going to justify giving her a body, let alone one that looks like that? My God, every SINGLE piece of news that comes out about this game is so, so insulting.

Just read that blurb there. “EDI’s body needed to be sexy, chrome, and robotic…”

STOP. STOP. STOP. You guys, seriously. Get a grip.

Also, are you really comparing yourselves to Metropolis?

And just in case you thought that was the only retarded new squad member…

Oh hai Shepard

What? Who’s that? New alien race?

No, that’s a Prothean, apparently. Remember what they looked like in ME1? Because it seems like BioWare doesn’t! Also, how could they possibly explain that a member of an omniscient race that has been extinct for 50,000 years is ready to suit up in some Demon’s Souls armor and run around playing guns with you? When the previous games implied that their forms, motives and technology were beyond human comprehension?

I know this is all super nerdy quibbling-about-the-lore or whatever, and God knows I don’t want to do that, but come on. Every DAY there is a new story about some leaked plot detail or new game option or choice from the previous game that actually isn’t going to matter after all…the bad decisions are just piling up so high.

They sold the original game to us as the first part of a sprawling, dynamic story that would pay off for sticking with it. Every time they pull some shady retcon or hugely alter the gameplay mechanics between entries or sex up old characters for no reason besides pandering, it feels like such a CHEAT to me.

Mass Effect was an outstanding, slightly flawed, but ultimately fresh and rewarding experience. Mass Effect 2 was a prompt about-face-and-then-flying-leap in the opposite direction. Right now, Mass Effect 3 looks to be boarding a Concorde Jet for a non-stop flight along that same, errant vector with the final destination in a goddamn black hole of bullshit.

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About djsharpecheddar

Have you seen a little girl?
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7 Responses to BioWare…Just…STOP

  1. Cleo says:

    Wait….If you played me2 doesn’t it explain all of this? and having read the leak, they do explain the Prothean quite well, EDI is overkill.

  2. chargedblast says:

    I agree with the post. I’m all about hot women but this EDI business is just blatant fan service. But then again, BioWare just is “Fan Service” the company. I mean they pretty much just implement whatever ideas gain the most steam on the forums anyway. AND I’M ALL ABOUT FAN SERVICE TOO. It’s kind of embarrassing for them at this point, at least from where I’m sitting.

  3. Johnny says:

    Bhahahahaha EDI was suggestive in ME2? You poor man.

  4. Yeah, ok buddy. You tell me what that thing looks like to you. Then take another look at the her robo-slutty ME3 design and tell me I wasn’t on the right track.

  5. MAK ATTACK says:

    haters gon hate

  6. The collector base, for example, does play a role in what choices you have in the ending but I didn’t really feel like my decision to destroy it made much of an impact throughout the game. This was, at least I thought, a huge decision and all it does it determine which three crappy choices will cause you to “win” if you even “win” at all. That is, the crappy choices are permuted depending on your choice to destroy or not destroy the collector base.

  7. Mate says:

    Funny how prophetic this post was. Bioware is freakin’ joke now. Mass Effect was a decent game but the Romances were super cheesy. I was a huge fan and also of DA:O. However, ME2 disappointed me with its MASSIVE fan service and seriously stupid as hell plot. After ME2 the fan community exploded, fanboys and fan girls were coming out of the wood work. DA:2 was a disaster and I’ll leave it at that. Now, enter ME3. Not to be sexist, but the ratio of ME fans went from me NEVER meeting a girl who’d heard of the game (ME 1) to about 1/4 people I meet online with ME3 is a massive fan girl, most typically in an extremely creepy fashion.

    Hitting the bottom really took its toll on my faith in RPGs and thankfully I picked up Planscape: Torment the end of last year and played it. Mother of God now THAT is how RPGs should be told. Its just linear enough to provide an amazing setting and clear story but leaves a plot basis that allows for a wide variety of choice with the exception of the beginning and end. And you know what? There are REAL romances in that game that don’t extend beyond some passionate kiss after really taking the effort to bond with your party. No ME style “Hey baby, your hair looks nice, let’s bang”.

    Bethesda is the only remnant of the original RPG giants, and while I love them, they just don’t craft a story like Bioware and Interplay used to.

    P.S. Wtf ever happened to REAL game modding? NWN had the coolest ability ever to use a mod manager that was even more basic and easy for people to use than Skyrim’s mod tools. Then come KOTOR and Jade Empire (great games mind you) and nope, from then on its all about consoles. PC just gets ports, no mod benefits. I truly feel console gaming has diminished the original spark of creativity companies used to have and now everyone just wants massive fan bases and pools of money. Its almost like the course hollywood took over the years to the point now where I can’t even stomach most movies these days.

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